I'm a little trouble right now. Lost in fact. I don't know who my friends are and I don't know who to trust anymore either. I define friends as the people you hang out with most, the ones who are there for you when you're at your worst and when you're at your best. The people who call you up to go places. It seems not everyone thinks that way.
At first, when I didn't get the calls to go "hang out" I was like whatever, I couldn't have gone anyways. But when I'm free, louging around the house and could have gone, it hurt, just a little bit. And as time went by it ate at me. I have no right to complain, make a fuss. Why should I even care? I guess a little part of me wanted to be invited and included badly it brought to my attention that these kids consider me as academic friends, not a person to talk to. And with that I felt really alone. But who am I to complain, I myself consider people as such also.
So right now, I'm trying my best to not care. Telling myself i couldn't have gone anyways. But a part of me always gets hurt. I get hurt too much these days. I need to somehow change my outlook. To care less about people. To seize every opportunity to get to my desired goals. To have it be okay to say whatever those people don't matter.
Funny how i've never had close friends. I must be doing something wrong or a terrible person. @.@;; i wish i could figure out what to do differently.
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